shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Too much gin, very little bucket
The best revenge is premature balding
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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