she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
