the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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