One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just puked most of my soul out..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
