I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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