I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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