Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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