Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
