That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
