What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
