The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
