I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
