you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
