Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He better not be in your backpack
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
