I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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