Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she told me i tasted like america
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
