those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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