Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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