I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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