sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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