marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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