The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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