living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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