I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
