i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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