She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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