omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
