Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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