didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
