Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated