having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight