I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.