one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??