I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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