Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
