Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dear god my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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