i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
