Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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