yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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