Can Purell be used as lube?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
