my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
