Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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