how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
