I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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