There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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