I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
