Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
