people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
smell my finger.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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