I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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