While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
