she woke up with a sticky ear
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
