oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
