Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
