my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
