you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
