so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
