so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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