did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
