:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
wow bdsm is so cute
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
