I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
