These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
