where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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