I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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