you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
