id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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