Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
