I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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