I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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