He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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