Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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