i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
