did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
