Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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