I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
