She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
