dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
