if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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