I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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