THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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