dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fill condoms, not promises.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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