Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
