So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
