i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
