I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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