i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
