I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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