Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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