Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
