I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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