"it" just moved
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
